Kathleen Dehmlow Obituary, Death St. Anne’s, Wabasso – The Brutal Truth About a Life Marked by Betrayal, Abandonment, and Heartache

Kathleen Dehmlow, Dennis Dehmlow, Lyle Dehmlow, Gina Dehmlow, Jay Dehmlow — these names, once part of a quiet and simple family story in Wabasso, Minnesota, are now forever linked to a deeply controversial obituary that ignited public debate about the limits of truth and respect in death notices. Kathleen Dehmlow, born on March 19, 1938, in Wabasso, Minnesota, led a life that was marked by many complexities and ultimately fractured relationships, especially with her children, Gina and Jay. When she passed away on May 31, 2018, in Springfield, the obituary published in The Redwood Falls Gazette turned what should have been a respectful final tribute into a painful, emotionally charged public airing of grievances.

The Obituary That Shocked the World

Kathleen Dehmlow’s obituary, published in June 2018, is one of the most talked-about tributes in recent memory. What was meant to be a loving farewell to a mother, sister, and daughter, instead became a lightning rod for controversy and intense media scrutiny. It didn’t take long for readers and online commentators to realize that the obituary didn’t follow the traditional respectful route one might expect for a memorial. Instead, it contained raw and pointed details about her life, particularly about the painful choices she made as a mother and her subsequent estrangement from her children.

The publication of the obituary in The Redwood Falls Gazette included not only the typical biographical information about Dehmlow’s birth, marriage, and death but also a very personal and harsh critique of her actions, especially regarding her abandonment of her children. It read, “Kathleen will not be missed by Gina and Jay, and they understand that this world is a better place without her.”

This unapologetically blunt closing sentence ignited a firestorm of debate about the ethics of publishing such a stark, unforgiving portrayal of a person’s life in an obituary. The phrasing was not only shocking to many, but it was also viewed as a breach of decorum and a violation of the sanctity of death. To some, it felt as if the obituary was being used to exact final revenge, rather than to reflect on the full complexity of a life that had been filled with personal turmoil and choices that had irrevocably altered the course of its relationships.

Who Was Kathleen Dehmlow?

Kathleen Dehmlow’s life was far from the traditional narrative of a quiet Midwestern woman. Born Kathleen Schunk on March 19, 1938, in Wabasso, Minnesota, she grew up in the small town where her family had deep roots. Her parents, Joseph and Gertrude Schunk, raised her in a close-knit family, and she was expected to follow a path of social convention—marriage, children, and eventually grandchildren. But Kathleen’s life took a turn that would challenge the very expectations of the small, conservative community in which she was raised.

In 1957, Kathleen married Dennis Dehmlow, a local man from Wabasso. Together, they had two children, Gina and Jay. However, what seemed like a typical small-town marriage and family life began to unravel when Kathleen became pregnant by her husband’s brother, Lyle Dehmlow, in 1962. The affair, which was not only a betrayal of her husband but also an act that deeply impacted the family dynamics, led Kathleen to make a life-altering decision. She chose to leave her family behind, abandoning her two young children, Gina and Jay, and moving to California.

The impact of Kathleen’s decision on her children was profound. While she pursued a new life far away, her children remained in Wabasso, raised by her parents, Joseph and Gertrude Schunk, who took on the responsibility of raising their grandchildren. It was a significant emotional and psychological burden on the children, who were not only deprived of their mother’s presence but were also left to grapple with the abandonment and the painful knowledge of their mother’s actions.

Despite this traumatic separation, Kathleen’s life continued in California, but it was anything but peaceful. Her marriage to Dennis ended in divorce, and she remained largely estranged from her children, Gina and Jay. The rift between them only deepened as time went on, with Gina and Jay having little contact with their mother as they grew older. Their own lives moved forward, and the absence of their mother became an inescapable reality they were forced to cope with.

The Estranged Children: Gina and Jay Dehmlow

Gina and Jay Dehmlow’s perspective on their mother’s actions is an integral part of the story that became public after Kathleen’s death. While their mother pursued her own path, they were left to navigate their childhood without the guidance and presence of their mother. The emotional scars of this abandonment were lifelong, with both of them harboring significant pain and resentment over the years.

Gina Dehmlow, in particular, became a focal point of the backlash after the obituary was published. In interviews and statements following the publication of the obituary, Gina expressed deep feelings of betrayal and hurt over her mother’s abandonment. She described how difficult it was growing up without her mother’s love and guidance, and how her relationship with her mother was never fully repaired.

Jay Dehmlow, on the other hand, had a quieter but equally painful experience. While he did not speak out as publicly as his sister, it was clear that his own feelings about his mother were similarly colored by years of emotional neglect and abandonment. He was deeply affected by his mother’s actions and, like Gina, struggled with the weight of the public airing of their family’s dirty laundry in such an unexpected and raw way.

The Family Dynamics and the Impact on the Community

Kathleen’s story resonated not only with her children but also with the larger Wabasso community, which had known the Dehmlow family for decades. Wabasso, a small town with a population of fewer than 1,500 people, was the kind of place where everyone knew each other’s business. The Dehmlows, like most families, were a part of that tight-knit web of relationships, but the scandal that enveloped Kathleen’s life added a layer of complexity and tension to the community dynamic.

The affair with Lyle Dehmlow and the resulting abandonment of her children created a sense of division within the family and in the community. Many members of the Dehmlow family, including Dwight (a relative), confirmed the accuracy of the obituary’s details but voiced their discomfort with the public nature of the obituary. Dwight went so far as to say that publishing the harsh truth only created more pain for those involved, and that some family matters were best left private. While the obituary was factually correct in its portrayal of Kathleen’s actions, it raised the larger question of whether it was appropriate to air such deeply personal matters at a time of death when the family’s wounds were already so raw.

While there were some who believed that the obituary should have included more positive aspects of Kathleen’s life, there were also others who argued that it was important to honor the wishes of the family members who had suffered at her hands. The question of whether a public obituary should serve as a full, honest account of someone’s life or whether it should focus on positive reflections of the deceased remains a contentious one.

The Larger Conversation: Truth vs. Respect in Obituaries

The publication of Kathleen Dehmlow’s obituary raises important questions about the role of obituaries in modern society. Should they simply be a place to pay respect and honor a person’s memory, or should they serve as an opportunity for families to share the truth about a person’s life, however painful that truth may be? In recent years, there has been a shift in how obituaries are written, with some families choosing to focus on the unvarnished truth, rather than relying on traditional euphemisms or sanitized portrayals of their loved ones.

The question becomes even more complicated when the deceased has left behind a fractured family. In the case of Kathleen Dehmlow, the grief and anger felt by her children, Gina and Jay, ultimately led to the publication of an obituary that cast their mother in an unflattering light. But it also sparked a larger societal conversation about the ethics of memorializing someone’s life and the role of obituaries in revealing or concealing painful family secrets.

The Controversy and Backlash

The backlash to the obituary was swift and fierce. Many readers took to social media, criticizing the decision to publish such a harsh portrayal of Kathleen Dehmlow’s life. Some believed it was an unnecessary attack on the deceased, while others argued that it was an important reflection of the family’s complicated history. The controversy reached far beyond Wabasso, with news outlets and social media platforms picking up the story and spreading it across the country.

For the family involved, however, the pain was very real. Dwight, in particular, felt the sting of public judgment, as he knew that such personal family matters had now been exposed to the world. While he acknowledged the accuracy of the obituary’s details, he also expressed regret over the decision to make such private family issues public, especially at a time when the family was still grieving Kathleen’s death.

The Role of the The Redwood Falls Gazette

The Redwood Falls Gazette found itself at the center of the storm after publishing the obituary. The newspaper defended its decision, stating that it was simply reporting the obituary as it was submitted by the family, with no editorial changes. This stance led to further criticism, as some readers felt that the newspaper should have exercised discretion and not published such a controversial obituary. Others argued that the obituary was a reflection of the family’s truth, and that the paper had a duty to publish it as written.

Ultimately, the publication of the obituary became a defining moment for both the family and the community. It raised difficult questions about how we honor the deceased and what responsibilities newspapers have when publishing obituaries. It also highlighted the emotional complexities and fractured relationships that can exist within families, and the pain that sometimes arises when those relationships are laid bare for the world to see.

A Final Word

Kathleen Dehmlow’s obituary, for all its controversy, served as a stark reminder of the complexities of human relationships and the painful decisions that sometimes shape our lives. The lives of Gina and Jay Dehmlow were irrevocably affected by their mother’s actions, and the public airing of their family’s private grievances only added another layer of difficulty to the already painful legacy of abandonment and betrayal. Yet, in the end, the obituary also raised larger questions about the role of truth and respect in our memorials for the deceased, and whether we should always adhere to the traditional norms of obituary writing or allow for a more honest, if painful, portrayal of someone’s life.

In the years to come, the story of Kathleen Dehmlow’s obituary will likely continue to be referenced as a poignant and difficult example of the intersection between truth, respect, and family in the world of death notices. The names of Kathleen, Gina, and Jay Dehmlow will remain etched in public memory, not only for their personal story but for the powerful conversation it sparked about how we remember and memorialize those we have lost.